I went to church today because my daughter really wanted to go. I wanted to go to the a different church, but she insisted on this particular church, so I went.
As I was sitting there, listening to the songs, the announcements and sermon, I felt totally outside. I began to think of church back home and what they are doing.....and I felt so outside of things. There is just so much of christianity and the practice of church that I am uncomfortable with. In fact, I have not been comfortable for a long time. I find it irrelevant and unhelpful. But while I was still part of the church back home, I felt like I was an insider working for change. I was part of the process. Now I just feel distant and disconnected. This realization frightened me if I am honest. But I must face the facts that this is how I feel.
I also know that this is the body of Christ. That I cannot claim to be a christian and yet feel so disconnected to His body. But there is so much "stuff" (cant think of a better word) attached to being a Christian that I dont think I can honestly say that I am a Christian. So much expectation or belief systems we are supposed to hold on to. So many practices of a christian that I have trouble with, that if I am to have any integrity left in me, I dont think I can consider myself a christian anymore. Therefore, I hav decided that from today, I will stop refering to myself as a christian. All I can do is to pray, Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.........I am no longer a Christian.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
How we say something is the message!
So, I heard about the speaker in CLGC a couple of sundays ago. How because of a double booking, the elders went into a semi panic and just invited this idiot to speak. He was a super pentecostal and went into hyper drive and started verbally blasting the people. Asking stupid questions like "Why are you amens so soft?". Wished I was there to answer" Because we dont agree with you you dumb f*^%wit!"
Anyway we all make mistakes and these things happen. But the biggest joke was the "damage control" stuff that followed from the leaders. First, when people walk out on a sermon like that, thats a good thing! You have mature people who know how to discern fuckwits and their stupid messages. To then call people to ask them what they think only to then tell them that they should not have walked out is dumb! Then to say things like "There were things he was saying that is in line with what God is saying" compounds the stupidity. How can that be? For example, if someone says that God loves you, but he says it in a loud and condemming tone, does it really communicate God's love? We need to relise that our live is the message. I can say something technically correct, but to say it in a spiteful or judgemental way is so totally wrong.
There. Rant over......for now.
Anyway we all make mistakes and these things happen. But the biggest joke was the "damage control" stuff that followed from the leaders. First, when people walk out on a sermon like that, thats a good thing! You have mature people who know how to discern fuckwits and their stupid messages. To then call people to ask them what they think only to then tell them that they should not have walked out is dumb! Then to say things like "There were things he was saying that is in line with what God is saying" compounds the stupidity. How can that be? For example, if someone says that God loves you, but he says it in a loud and condemming tone, does it really communicate God's love? We need to relise that our live is the message. I can say something technically correct, but to say it in a spiteful or judgemental way is so totally wrong.
There. Rant over......for now.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Friendship and Fatherhood
I am blessed to be working with 2 other Christians in my office. Its actually amazing that in an office of just 12 people, there are 3 christians. I have known these 2 men for a few years already, so, when I joined the company, one of them suggested that we meet once a week to pray together. We meet every Tuesday morning at 7.30am in the office and one of us will share a short devotional and we spend some time praying together.
This past week one of them shared about being a dad and the fact that this is the most important role for us at this stage of our lives. It was amazing timing as I just stared reading a book about fatherhood on sunday. It was an affirmation of what God is saying to me for this season.
I realize that even as I go through the motions of being a dad, my heart may not be all there. I realize that God does not just want me to learn how to do all the dad things, but more importantly to have the heart of a father. Its back to the whole being before doing . Lord, help me.
This past week one of them shared about being a dad and the fact that this is the most important role for us at this stage of our lives. It was amazing timing as I just stared reading a book about fatherhood on sunday. It was an affirmation of what God is saying to me for this season.
I realize that even as I go through the motions of being a dad, my heart may not be all there. I realize that God does not just want me to learn how to do all the dad things, but more importantly to have the heart of a father. Its back to the whole being before doing . Lord, help me.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
2 months
I have been in Melbourne for 2 months now. Things feel a bit more complete now that my family is here with me. I am really thankful for how things seem to be coming together. Kids are settling in well and we are enjoying ourselves as a family. The house we have is a great help as the kids have space to play around and the space is conducive for our family. We have also had extended family over for dinner twice and its been really nice. Looking forward to hosting more guests.
Work has been ramping up. I am getting busier but enjoying it so far. It i a challenging time with the global ecomonic uncertainty, but apart from that I am enjoying myself. I have been asked to do a few different things but am now focused on developing a new araea of business for the Melbourne offcie and I enjoy the challenge. I must say I also enjoy drivng my car........which is good since I drive more than 1 1/2 hours a day to/fro work.
My life as a pastor seems like such a foreign thing now. When I think about it, there are aspects of what I did in pastoring that I enjoyed. But at this stage, overall I seem to be happier doing what I do now. That may change with time, who knows. I dont seem to remember being as happy when I was pastoring. When I think back to my life as a pastor, the main emotion I recall is depression and pressure. What was I thinking when I took that up?
I do miss my friends and family back home. This week I sudenly felt a bit homesick for the first time since I left. Not for anything in particular, but just a longing for the familiar. But overall I am very happy here. I do acknowledge the grace of God in this. I wonder what God has in store for us in the future here in Australia. But for now, I am just trying to live and enjoy one day at a time.
Work has been ramping up. I am getting busier but enjoying it so far. It i a challenging time with the global ecomonic uncertainty, but apart from that I am enjoying myself. I have been asked to do a few different things but am now focused on developing a new araea of business for the Melbourne offcie and I enjoy the challenge. I must say I also enjoy drivng my car........which is good since I drive more than 1 1/2 hours a day to/fro work.
My life as a pastor seems like such a foreign thing now. When I think about it, there are aspects of what I did in pastoring that I enjoyed. But at this stage, overall I seem to be happier doing what I do now. That may change with time, who knows. I dont seem to remember being as happy when I was pastoring. When I think back to my life as a pastor, the main emotion I recall is depression and pressure. What was I thinking when I took that up?
I do miss my friends and family back home. This week I sudenly felt a bit homesick for the first time since I left. Not for anything in particular, but just a longing for the familiar. But overall I am very happy here. I do acknowledge the grace of God in this. I wonder what God has in store for us in the future here in Australia. But for now, I am just trying to live and enjoy one day at a time.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Being a Dad
My family arrived here in Melboure a week ago. It was a really happy reunion at the airport. When my kids saw me, they started running towards me and I found myself running to them. The next 2 days my son just followed me wherever I went.
I am glad I had Friday off so that I coud spend the day with them. But at the end of the day, it was also pretty good to see them off to bed. Being a parent can be very tiring.....not just physically but emotionally.
But I am reminded again of God's word to me when we stepped dopwn from leadership : That He wants to teach me how to be a dad. I do acknowledge that I have lots to learn about being a father. So many times I lack the widom and patience to father my kids in the right way. Lord help me.
May the Father show me how to be the kind of Father he wants me to be. My prayer is that in being Dad to my kids, I can lead them to The Father.
I am glad I had Friday off so that I coud spend the day with them. But at the end of the day, it was also pretty good to see them off to bed. Being a parent can be very tiring.....not just physically but emotionally.
But I am reminded again of God's word to me when we stepped dopwn from leadership : That He wants to teach me how to be a dad. I do acknowledge that I have lots to learn about being a father. So many times I lack the widom and patience to father my kids in the right way. Lord help me.
May the Father show me how to be the kind of Father he wants me to be. My prayer is that in being Dad to my kids, I can lead them to The Father.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
One month, one week
Its been more than a month since I left Malaysia. Gosh, time flies. I have been pre occupied with work, trying to get a house, open bank accounts, buy a car, insuarance and all sorts of stuff that you need to do when you start life all over again in a new place. It can be very taxing, not to mention expensive.
People ask me if I miss Malaysia. The honest truth is that while I do miss my family a lot (10 days till they get here), I dont particularly miss Malaysia. Mostly because I am busy with trying to settle in. I am sure in time I will miss Malaysia more. I was feeling homesick the first week I was here, but now its pretty ok. Especially since I am in my own house now. Its just more settling being in your own lace, even if its an empty house.
I started work on Sep 1 and the officein Melboure is going through a lot of change. New manager for the location, new staff like me...etc. Peope ask me what I do, and I myself am not too sure about it. My immediate manager and the MD (who offered me the job in the first place) seem to have different ideas on how best I can contribute to the company, so I am still working that out. But I do know my primary role is to do with Major Account Management.
Work has been ok and I have enjoyed working with aussies. Most of them anyway. Melbournians especially take great pride in how diverse the city is culturally and how tolerant they are. Someone asked me last week if I encountered any racism, and the answer is no. I have not had any probelms so far and I thank God for it. My customers are more ineterested in my experience and work ethic than my ethnicity.
The only drawback about work is the long drive to and from work. Melbourne is a very spread out city and you just have to get used to driving around. But I am enjoying my car!
I also managed to get a nice place to live in. The neighbourhood, while not as pretty as other suburbs around, is pretty nice and my neighbours (mostly Greek) seem friendly as well. The place is close to train stations and shops, so its a nice spot. When we first thought of moving over, both Marge and I kept thinking how nice if we can live in this neighbourhood, and here we are. Its got an asian fruit store, a Korean grocer, lots of great Greek stores and cafes, and a fresh pasta shop that is great. And good bakeries as well.
I have spent most of my weekends shopping for household things like quilts, towels, electrical goods..etc. In terms of furniture, all I have is a dining set and a mattress. I also have a fridge and washing machine. Still do not have a TV. Hopefully that will change soon :) I was glad I managed to do something different the past 2 weekends to make it feel more like a weekend. This weekend I took a 5km walk by the beach with Richard and then went for breakfast. That was nice.
In terms of church, I have visited the Oakleigh Anglican church for 2 weeks now. I went for the traditional service last week where I was probabaly the only person below 60, and this week I went to the "contemporary" service. I will probabaly visit another church next week. I would like to find a church within my neighbourhood.
Thats just some updates from me for now. Hope all of you are doing well.
People ask me if I miss Malaysia. The honest truth is that while I do miss my family a lot (10 days till they get here), I dont particularly miss Malaysia. Mostly because I am busy with trying to settle in. I am sure in time I will miss Malaysia more. I was feeling homesick the first week I was here, but now its pretty ok. Especially since I am in my own house now. Its just more settling being in your own lace, even if its an empty house.
I started work on Sep 1 and the officein Melboure is going through a lot of change. New manager for the location, new staff like me...etc. Peope ask me what I do, and I myself am not too sure about it. My immediate manager and the MD (who offered me the job in the first place) seem to have different ideas on how best I can contribute to the company, so I am still working that out. But I do know my primary role is to do with Major Account Management.
Work has been ok and I have enjoyed working with aussies. Most of them anyway. Melbournians especially take great pride in how diverse the city is culturally and how tolerant they are. Someone asked me last week if I encountered any racism, and the answer is no. I have not had any probelms so far and I thank God for it. My customers are more ineterested in my experience and work ethic than my ethnicity.
The only drawback about work is the long drive to and from work. Melbourne is a very spread out city and you just have to get used to driving around. But I am enjoying my car!
I also managed to get a nice place to live in. The neighbourhood, while not as pretty as other suburbs around, is pretty nice and my neighbours (mostly Greek) seem friendly as well. The place is close to train stations and shops, so its a nice spot. When we first thought of moving over, both Marge and I kept thinking how nice if we can live in this neighbourhood, and here we are. Its got an asian fruit store, a Korean grocer, lots of great Greek stores and cafes, and a fresh pasta shop that is great. And good bakeries as well.
I have spent most of my weekends shopping for household things like quilts, towels, electrical goods..etc. In terms of furniture, all I have is a dining set and a mattress. I also have a fridge and washing machine. Still do not have a TV. Hopefully that will change soon :) I was glad I managed to do something different the past 2 weekends to make it feel more like a weekend. This weekend I took a 5km walk by the beach with Richard and then went for breakfast. That was nice.
In terms of church, I have visited the Oakleigh Anglican church for 2 weeks now. I went for the traditional service last week where I was probabaly the only person below 60, and this week I went to the "contemporary" service. I will probabaly visit another church next week. I would like to find a church within my neighbourhood.
Thats just some updates from me for now. Hope all of you are doing well.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Displaced part 2
So, here I am in another place. I am currently living in a friends apartment while they are away. Moved out from my cousins place last week. Its nice to get a place all to myself, but its still only a temporary place., so still feel a bit unsettled.
But God is good, and I am learning to put into practice the discipline of submitting everything to God and then just trust Him with it.
I have been looking at rental houses the past 2 weeks. Have not seen anything really nice or approrpiate until last week when I saw a place that is very nice and it comes with 4 bedrooms. In the last 2 weeks before I left Malaysia, I sensed that maybe we should have a place where we can house guests. Maybe one of the things we can do is t open our home to people who want to come over for a stay/retreat. Therefore a house with an extra room would be best. When I saw this place, I thought this could be the one. But the rental market is very competitive. Demand is great. At the house inspection, there were a lot of people who came to see the place and all of them left with an application form. On top of it all, I do not have a rental history here which makes it harder for us. A few friends told me that I may need to offer up to 6 months rent in advance to secure the place and I was thinking of doing this (with a little help from my brother).
I went to bed that night praying about this and the next morning I woke up with this thought in mu head: God is my Father who provides and if this is the place he has for me, I will get it without the need to do anything extra.
So with this, I went ahead with my application. And much to my suprise and everyone elses, I got the place! This was my only application and a lot of peple have told me that I will need to put in lots of applications in order to secure a place.
I am thankful for this blessing. I was sharing with a friend over the weekend about how I hope to get a place asap so that I can have a bit of mental and emotional space to process what this move means for me. He agreed to pray with me that I will be able to get a place soon. God has answered that prayer. Thanks be to God.
But God is good, and I am learning to put into practice the discipline of submitting everything to God and then just trust Him with it.
I have been looking at rental houses the past 2 weeks. Have not seen anything really nice or approrpiate until last week when I saw a place that is very nice and it comes with 4 bedrooms. In the last 2 weeks before I left Malaysia, I sensed that maybe we should have a place where we can house guests. Maybe one of the things we can do is t open our home to people who want to come over for a stay/retreat. Therefore a house with an extra room would be best. When I saw this place, I thought this could be the one. But the rental market is very competitive. Demand is great. At the house inspection, there were a lot of people who came to see the place and all of them left with an application form. On top of it all, I do not have a rental history here which makes it harder for us. A few friends told me that I may need to offer up to 6 months rent in advance to secure the place and I was thinking of doing this (with a little help from my brother).
I went to bed that night praying about this and the next morning I woke up with this thought in mu head: God is my Father who provides and if this is the place he has for me, I will get it without the need to do anything extra.
So with this, I went ahead with my application. And much to my suprise and everyone elses, I got the place! This was my only application and a lot of peple have told me that I will need to put in lots of applications in order to secure a place.
I am thankful for this blessing. I was sharing with a friend over the weekend about how I hope to get a place asap so that I can have a bit of mental and emotional space to process what this move means for me. He agreed to pray with me that I will be able to get a place soon. God has answered that prayer. Thanks be to God.
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