No longer a Christian

I went to church today because my daughter really wanted to go. I wanted to go to the a different church, but she insisted on this particular church, so I went.

As I was sitting there, listening to the songs, the announcements and sermon, I felt totally outside. I began to think of church back home and what they are doing.....and I felt so outside of things. There is just so much of christianity and the practice of church that I am uncomfortable with. In fact, I have not been comfortable for a long time. I find it irrelevant and unhelpful. But while I was still part of the church back home, I felt like I was an insider working for change. I was part of the process. Now I just feel distant and disconnected. This realization frightened me if I am honest. But I must face the facts that this is how I feel.

I also know that this is the body of Christ. That I cannot claim to be a christian and yet feel so disconnected to His body. But there is so much "stuff" (cant think of a better word) attached to being a Christian that I dont think I can honestly say that I am a Christian. So much expectation or belief systems we are supposed to hold on to. So many practices of a christian that I have trouble with, that if I am to have any integrity left in me, I dont think I can consider myself a christian anymore. Therefore, I hav decided that from today, I will stop refering to myself as a christian. All I can do is to pray, Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.........I am no longer a Christian.

How we say something is the message!

So, I heard about the speaker in CLGC a couple of sundays ago. How because of a double booking, the elders went into a semi panic and just invited this idiot to speak. He was a super pentecostal and went into hyper drive and started verbally blasting the people. Asking stupid questions like "Why are you amens so soft?". Wished I was there to answer" Because we dont agree with you you dumb f*^%wit!"

Anyway we all make mistakes and these things happen. But the biggest joke was the "damage control" stuff that followed from the leaders. First, when people walk out on a sermon like that, thats a good thing! You have mature people who know how to discern fuckwits and their stupid messages. To then call people to ask them what they think only to then tell them that they should not have walked out is dumb! Then to say things like "There were things he was saying that is in line with what God is saying" compounds the stupidity. How can that be? For example, if someone says that God loves you, but he says it in a loud and condemming tone, does it really communicate God's love? We need to relise that our live is the message. I can say something technically correct, but to say it in a spiteful or judgemental way is so totally wrong.

There. Rant over......for now.